In your case, Falk, there is a seminal joke that Henny Youngman used to tell that I think is perfect. It sums it up perfectly as far as you go:
Guy comes into a doctor's office. He says, 'Doc, it hurts when I do this.' The doctor says, 'Don't do it.' Think about that.
Woody Allen, do roteiro de "Igual a Tudo na Vida"